One thing that is for certain: when you look at what you spend, both how much and where it goes, it really helps to underscore how you must take control over your spending to eliminate the debt to accumulate savings. Our first decision was to allow me to continue with the financial management, but to start working together on what is most important to us. This is a big first step: if you are married, you and your spouse must both be on board when it comes to spending and how you are going to take control over spending. If just you decide to stop spending so much money, and he/she comes home with a new plasma t.v., all your hard work counts for nothing. So, you must work together. In my research, I've learned that money is one of the biggest sources of arguments for couples. So, you need to listen to each other. My husband has a very stressful job and he works long hours. He does not want to spend the weekends on the lawn. Thus, lawn maintenance is either something I would have to do or we can continue to pay someone (our lawn is small and so is that expense, it is just used here to illustrate that you need to have your priorities together.) You have no choice on certain items: at least the minimums must be paid on the debt and mortgage, and you need to have insurance and other things. The key, however, is to try to reduce those expenses where you can. I explain the debt portion of that in the articles under "Taking Control Over Debt."
But, how do you take control over spending? By a bit of work, you can do some of the things I did, plus many things you will think of on your own. I think the most important thing we did is to just stop spending so much money. It sounds so easy, but it is a hard realization that you must stop wasting your money. Once we realized how little we had left after our major bills and the monthly costs that were important to us, and once we realized that our spending habits had to change to change our life situation, we stopped spending money on things we wanted and tried to only buy those things we truly need. We make coffee here, we do not need to buy it at the deli; we can cook at home, no need for takeout; I have three bathing suits, no need for a new one; and, no way can we afford an expensive vacation for a while, or the flat-screen t.v. that my husband has been eye-balling. (Hopefully some time, but not now). Small or large, we just keep saying "no." While that sounds easy in theory, we all know that it is, in reality, not so easy. The "convenience" spending had to stop, and, the unimportant spending had to stop, but where do you draw the line. This is the decision that you need to make and cannot make unless you look at what you really have to "spend" and still get out of debt and still save. Those goals have to all work together. Now, spending for no good reason had to go, but, it is not realistic to think you will never buy anything unless you absolutely need it.
While this is admirable, other changes have to be made. Just saying no to spending is not a long-term solution, believe it or not, because we have created a life that causes expenses: both planned and unexpected, to occur, and many of those aspects of our lives require money. But, just because those aspects require money does not mean that we cannot make changes with respect to how much or whether or not to continue with a particular expenditure at this time. By trying not to spend, we have had a chance to reevaluate what we spend our money on and to try to rid our lives of those things that cost money but add little real value to our life – examples are items we have bought that are consumable and could be obtained with less money and/or for free, or, are simply, unnecessary. For example, I now go to the library for books and magazines that I used to buy. I still get to indulge my passion for reading, but it is not such a costly hobby. That does not mean I will never buy a book again - I will just think first about whether I can wait to read it and/or can get it at my library. My life has not changed - just spending money for my hobby has. That is one example of taking control over our spending.
Now, I have never been a very frugal person so, for me -- this was a huge discovery: the power of spending on what you need and what you really want -- and nothing else. There are many “consumable” items in our house that, frankly, are not even being used. Just stop spending on those things that don’t add value to your life and look for bargains -- you don’t have to go crazy, but deciding to say no to more things and buying more items more cheaply has a certain satisfaction built within it. It is not deprivation, it is a different way of thinking about money. There are things we have bought that we have never used – at the least, it takes away no value to stop buying those things. We have multiples of some items that we do not need. Thus, with virtually no change in life-style, we found places to spend less money. I know it sounds like a no-brainer, but we were not living that way, and, many people are living like us, spending on little and big things without really thinking about whether or not you truly need it, want it or have the money for it. The coffee you buy rather than bring from home; the work you pay for on your house rather than do yourself. Take out instead of cook in. Some of these items are important to us and should not be removed from our lives; others, not so important. Take stock. You may find some surprises like we did. Our next step was to get more value of the things we have so we can continue taking control over spending. Go to "Getting Value out of What You Own."